Our Little Library of Letters
Written to problems, not people – by everyday champions, like you.
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I was glad to finally meet you face-to-face, after ailing me for so long. The story started about 10 years before I even knew your name and while out on my adventure to find you - during which I managed to pick-up some other annoying housemates along the way. You are not a very tolerable roommate, which I do not appreciate...
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To all the diagnostic labels that have tormented me for as long as I can remember: You are not welcome in my life. From a child you lied to me saying I was broken and cant do the things I want. You tried very hard to prevent me from studying and just want me to die. I don't like your plan for my life and you need to leave me alone...
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I spin, twirl, shake, leap. You're still there as I watch others. You're in my mind as I create. You're telling me I'm bad - I'm going to fall. I try to ignore you. I try, I try, I try but, I can't multitask! As I forget what's going on, you come back stronger. "You're going to fall, you're going to fall," you say...
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I never got to thank the person who introduced us. It's someone on twitter, and I've been too shy to tell them. Also because it happened years ago, and if I tell them now it'll look like I've had this gratitude for them kept hidden for so long - it's almost stalkerish and... WAIT. This is not central to what I wanted to tell you. I think...
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To be fair, doctors fail to have a consensus if the symptoms I experience are the PTSD, the saucier version C-PTSD, MDD, or any of the others listed in my medical chart. You hide in the darkness of all those letters and let your symptoms do the work. You use the self-inflicted injuries to muddy the waters for my care and create distance between myself and everyone else...
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Just some rogue cells; Drinking from the Fountain of Youth, Trying to survive, In a hostile world; Lashing out at all around, In anger and confusion. You're not like the others; Uniform, compliant, Following the rules...
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